Grace, Calloused Hands, Heart and Self Dependency

Hi All,

Here I am, more than two weeks has past since my last post... and there is maybe a reason for that, God has thrown a lot at me in those two weeks. As soon as I had posted the catch up post for everything, I read an article about how there are certain pastors who do more posting and checking on their blog about ministry and what they would like to do, but then don't actually do it. It was something very interesting to think about in light of me starting this Blog. I hoepe I never fall into the trap of talking about what I am doing but never actually doing it.
It has been an busy couple of weeks. we had a great Father's day service at church, revolving around the theme of John3:1-3

1 How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. 2 Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. 3 Everyone who has this hope in him purifies himself, just as he is pure.

1 John 3:1-3 (NIV)

It was a great reminder that I am a son of God and by focusing on the love of God
and taking it in as the reality that it is, our lives are really lived to the fullest. To know and understand God as our Father has such deep implications as to my everyday life because it is all wrapped up in the way I see God, If I really see God as Father I will respond to Him as such... If I see Him as a cosmic killjoy I will respond to him accordingly. All God's actions toward me as a Father are because he loves me and wants what is best for me. Having such a great love for me that he was willing to give up His only son in order to adopt me as his own son... how is that even possible? It is amazing to think about.

I then went to Lincoln to go golfing with my brothers and my Dad for Father's Day... It was hot! Not that I need any more excuses for golfing terribly (it was mostly putting that day). I had fun with my bros and my Dad nonetheless. I wish I weren't so focused on golfing well and being competitive (both of which are God given drives I think) but I think it keeps me from enjoying creation and fellowship more than it should... anyway overanylizing again. All that to say I had fun, shot a 98 (tied my Dad) and went down to stay with my bro.

Dad brought me my (I'm claiming it) tent and I spent the next night camping out. It was still hot! but I found a nice lake and set up camp. I spent the afternoon reading and waited until it got dark and cooler to start a fire and cook supper (thanks for the dry firewood Dad!). I had a lot of time to think that afternoon and evening... talked to God about a lot of things, told Him I was mad at Him for some of them (He says He can handle it) and worked through them somewhat. God is frustrating like that sometimes. But that is why I appreciate Him so much too, he loves me enough to frustrate me and make me seek Him. He knows that without a little bit of pressure and Him showing me that I can't handle things I would attempt to do things all on my own. God continues to show me just how self dependent I am, and how much I resist relying on and surrenduring to Him. I prayed in church today that this world is filled with enough self-made men, and as I reflect on that I fear that too often I fall into that same category. I am a self made Christian, creating my own brand of Christianity to fit my own needs and do things myself. I don't trust God as I should, because I am so used to trusting myself. "If I can just be strong or wise or prepared enough, I wouldn't need God" is the lie that I (or Satan) tell myself. I fear that there is a whole world of people just like me. But before I look to solve that problem for the world I need to solve that problem for myself. No. I need God to solve that problem for me. If I could do things all by myself and that is what God intended for me then how do I explain the corss. Its just a Jew having a horrible Friday and we should sue God for cosmic child abuse. That is what I am saying when I rely on myself in living this life... God, I don't need you, I can do it myself. I know this is not always the case and I may be being a little more harsh on myself and others than I need be, but I think it is so ingrained in us to be competent and independant, self reliant, pulling ourselves up by our own boottraps kind of people, that we have lost the capacity to be dependant on God. As I sat and watched the fire and the stars and argued with God, He kept bringing this question up in my soul.

Why do You want to do this on your own? I would gladly give you what you are striving so hard to attain, and then I would receive the glory, which is the best for you anyway, pride, other than boasting in me, leads to sin. I am not trying to get you to a point where you are independant and self sufficient, that's not what is best for you, I am trying to get you to a point where you are fully dependent on me.

This is not a hard concept to understand, but it is difficult to apply, the last too weeks has proved this very true for me. I understand just how deep this runs in me. I think of how much I resist help from other people, being dependant on others or God, admitting that I can't do something, striving to attain and accomplish but knowing I will eventually come up short. As I hink about them I could get discouraged, yes, and in some ways I am, but I also know this. God values my holiness and dependence on Him way more than He values my happiness. Don't get me wrong, he does care about my happiness, but not at the expense of him prompting me in my relationship with Him. And that means holiness and dependancy on HIM, not myself, I cannot keep up the Christian life, or ministry, or even my own salvation for that matter ON MY OWN. He has to do it, and that is exactly what He is doing in revealing just how self reliant I am, and how much I struggle to be independant. As pastor Jon defined sin today "Sin is anything in us that seeks to be independant of God." This is a tough lesson to learn, but it is absolutely vital for me to learn that forsaking my independance is truly what is best for me. I praise God that He continues to remind me of this even though it is painful. He is my greatest good.

The week definitely didn't end there, though I may have wished it did in order to apply what God continues to teach me. We had another VBS meeting, and I am learning more and more about administration and delegation (niether of which I am good at). Things are coming together and I am really proud of all the work that God is doing through the people who are involved. I am confident the Lord will see us through and we will touch the lives of a lot of kids... continue to pray for VBS though, that the hearts of everyone, staff and children and parents, would be soft to the message of the gospel and that we would communicate it clearly through all we plan, say and do.

Wednesday we had the Men's study at 6am. We talked about the chapter in Kent Hughes' book Disciplines of a Godly Man. It is an intense study, but it is really good and I am enjoying listening to the guys talk about what God is doing and has done in their marriages.

Wednesday night we did the Colossians study and dug into the very nature of salvation and the struggle with the already and not yet reality of who we are in Christ and yet why we continue to sin. The thing we came down to is that if we understand truly and fully who we are in Christ and in reality how we stand before God, when we ask ourselves "Why do we sin?" there really is no good reason. All our excuses come up short in light of who we are in Christ.

The rest of the weekend leading up to today was very diverse. It did include some work on the church grounds which was pretty sweet, it felt good to work hard and sweat and use POWER TOOLS! The fellowship was pretty awesome too, I got to spend some good time with one of the guys in our church. He's a farmer and a stock car racer and loves the Lord, needless to say, we never run out of things to talk about.

Anywho, its getting late and I definitely have things to accomplish tomorrow. Until next time...

9 For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. 10 And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, 11 being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully 12 giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. 13 For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, 14 in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

Col 1:9-14 (NIV)

In Christ

<>< Steven